Ignorance
by Tenkasen
Summary: Ignorance and innocence walk hand in hand. Once you lose them, they don't come back.


**Title:** Ignorance  
><strong>Rating:<strong> T, for violence, swearing, blood.  
><strong>Pairings:<strong> Very light BenxJulie, GwenxKevin.  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Ignorance and innocence walk hand in hand. Once you lose them, they don't come back.  
><strong>AN:** I don't normally write for anything non-anime/video games, but Ben 10 was a childhood thing I did like. Though, I fell in love with Alien Force, which was the central driving force of writing for this series.  
>The whole idea of this comes from a normal thought pattern of mine, where I stick the current favored character I'm obsessing over into a situation that is highly stressful and often one of their greatest fears, to think what would be their reactions, thoughts, and feelings (partially a test to me, to see if I really know their character). Ben has made a point of refusing to sacrifice anyone's life for the 'greater good', with the odd exception of Kevin in Ultimate Alien, so the idea bubbled from there.<br>**Notes:** Alien Force; season two. AU-ish. Mainly drabble.  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>Ben 10 belongs to someone. Just not me.  
><strong>Oneshot<strong>.

* * *

><p><strong>Ignorance<strong>

* * *

><p><em>Ben<em>

* * *

><p>The no-kill policy.<p>

It was something Ben found rewarding, no matter how difficult it was to maintain. It made them the better people, and it gave their enemies another chance to re-think their actions and motives, perhaps even change them. Ben knew that was unlikely, really unlikely and maybe naive, but it happened. Kevin was an example. If Ben had killed Kevin a long time ago, back when they were kids and were still pretty stupid, they wouldn't have such a valuable ally and friend in him now, would they?

'Course that was only part of the reason.

Ben figured that once you killed, there was no turning back. Your innocence? Gone. Destroyed. Shattered. And as a kid, at just _ten_, it wasn't worth it, no matter how nuts Kevin was himself. Kevin Levin, who's innocence at that age was significantly less than Ben's and his super-hero ideals, would have spiraled further down the path to insanity if he had taken down Ben at eleven as he always vowed to do. Mass murderer in no time, no doubt. Plumber's would've taken him down, just another threat to a majority of worlds. Stashed his file away in neatly organized database, never to be viewed again.

And at fifteen, Ben still didn't think it was worth it.

So to the Omnitrix wielder, the reason not to kill was both selfish and heroic.

Perseverance of lives and innocence.

* * *

><p>Ben grew up wanting to be a hero, just like cartoons on TV, just like in his comic books. The heroes there never killed. Because their worlds were unrealistic and didn't require them to do so.<p>

But Ben Tennyson lived in reality.

Reality wasn't as kind.

* * *

><p>When Ben first takes a life, it's completely accidental.<p>

But it's brutal.

He stares at the blood that coats him with wide, green eyes, his brain twisting and his mind cracking, body returning to human. Gwen is there, soothing and trying to comfort, getting red smeared on herself as she pulls Ben into an embrace, carefully turning his face away from the remains of his opponent. He doesn't hear the words he knows she's saying; has he suddenly gone deaf? No, it's just his brain; he notes dully, it feels really numb. Actually, he kind of feels numb all over. Was the world always this blurry and slow looking?

He didn't mean it, he pleads. He didn't mean it. It was an accident. He didn't know that their species of alien reacted explosively to ice — he didn't, honest. He only meant to stop him from firing at Kevin, because Kevin hadn't absorbed any matter and he was just like any other human when faced with a bullet in his head. It was an accident! He hadn't known! He's sorry, really really sorry. He only wanted to freeze him in place. He didn't mean to_ kill_—!

He's being shaken now, and blinks a few times to see Gwen's worried face swim into view, reaching over from the front seat. He's in the back of Kevin's car now, and Kevin is looking at him with an odd expression. Pity? Sympathy? _Worry?_ Maybe a mixture. Kevin was never comfortable with picking a simple emotion to show.

Gwen's voice is soft, telling him it'll be okay, really, and that she still loves him and cares and that they'll sort everything out, okay? She instructs Kevin to drive them home, and the Osmosian does so silently.

The silence is what hurts, though. It's uncomfortable, and it deafens Ben, ringing on in his ears. All he can hear is a faded echo of a scream that was cut off when blood surged up its throat and all over Ben as the creature imploded, sending bits of itself everywhere. He can't close his eyes either; just a blink is enough to show a shadow of the disturbing image, engraved into his memory. Might as well throw the idea of a good night's sleep out the window.

He lets his head roll to the side and collide with the window with an audible noise, wondering if he could hit himself hard enough to wake up out of this nightmare.

No such luck.

* * *

><p><em>Kevin<em>

* * *

><p>It's way past curfew by the time Ben is steered through his house door. Kevin drags him up the stairs and into his room, pretending to find this a chore, while Gwen deals with his parents, trying in vain to explain and not cause them to worry. They were going to discover it soon enough; dried blood was chipping off Ben as he moved, becoming brown little flecks on the floor.<p>

Ben acts a lot like a rag doll when Kevin gives a gentle push to go forward, with the unexpected result of Ben toppling onto his bed. Kevin blinks his surprise away and poke and prods verbally and physically at the three-fourths human and a quarter Anodite, trying to get a reaction out of him; irritation, annoyance... Anything, really.

Kevin goes through Ben's stuff, occasionally throwing a toy or trinket at the brunette, hoping something in Ben's closest or drawers would be enough to momentarily distract him. The best he got was a flinch when he accidentally hit Ben's face with one of his action figures. Oops.

Ben is determined to remain in a comatose state, as Kevin finds, so the once-enemy-turned-friend gives up and lets him. He knows what it feels like to have killed; he remembers the odd sense of misery, guilt, and remorse. It wasn't really too much for Kevin, because he hated the guy's guts and was a few shots short of a six-pack at the time, but for Ben, it's different. Ben had a different life, different mindset. It wasn't going to be something he wasn't going to get over in a few days like Kevin had.

He sighs, twisting around a chair, and sits, staring at Ben. Ben's eyes looked like marbles, all glass-like and empty. What was it that Gwen said? _"The best we can do for him now is just be there for him."_ Rather time consuming, and wasn't very satisfying until the conclusion. Bah. Kevin reviewed the idea of throwing more things at Ben to see if he'll get anymore reactions, but then Gwen comes upstairs. She raises an eyebrow at the half-buried Ben in a sea of junk, and Kevin gives a sheepish smile, hoping to lighten the situation a bit.

She rolls her eyes, but the smile he gets is totally worth it.

Ben rolls over, and sends a cascade of stuff to the floor. He closes his eyes, and Kevin wants to warn him that sleeping probably isn't a great idea right now. Sleeping after a traumatic experience? He's just begging to plagued by nightmares. But Tennyson was exhausted, and it's not like someone can avoid sleep for very long. Gwen insists they both stick around for the night, and Kevin is stuck sleeping on the _floor_ in Ben's room, forced to construct a makeshift bed out of a mass of blankets and pillows. Gwen took the downstairs couch, after an hour of cleaning up her cousin's blood stained jacket.

Kevin, while grumbling, is shifting around, finally managing a satisfactory position when Ben wakes up with a scream.

Gwen is there in seconds, and Kevin feels panic sinking in as Ben starts thrashing and shrieking things at such a pitch that Kevin grasps his head in pain. Logically he knows Ben's in some sort of mental pain and should be eased back into consciousness, but instinct overrides and tells him to shut him up, because his ears feel like they're bleeding. So he does. Sort of. Ben's soon out like a light again, and Gwen starts freaking out on _him_, as Kevin tries not to stutter as he explains his reasoning, which apparently, Gwen doesn't care about because _he just knocked out her cousin._

Better this way, he insists to her. He's less likely to have dreams when knocked unconscious as opposed to normally falling asleep, right?

Not right, apparently. Gwen's more concerned with the fact that Ben may now have a concussion along with the few other injuries he had collected earlier tonight. So she just drops a block of mana on Kevin's head, and leaves him seeing stars as she stomps back downstairs, probably to comfort the frantic voices that belong to Ben's parents.

Kevin rolls over and stares at the ceiling. Tennyson was going to be stuck in the cesspool of depression, they were going to have to sort it out, and all the while, people who want them dead weren't going to wait for Ben to recover.

But things will get better. When push comes to shove, Benjamin Tennyson was ready and capable of taking charge and fighting.

It'll just take some time for him to... Kevin fished for a good definition. Adjust? Move on, maybe. Yeah.

Eventually.

...

He hoped.

* * *

><p><em>Ben<em>

* * *

><p>The second time Ben kills, it's ultimately on purpose.<p>

Less brutal in a way, because XLR8's blows are quick and _sharp_, but it still feels like he's ripping his soul in thirds, stabbing himself wherever his emotions lie, and then twisting the knife. He isn't as drenched in blood, but some is splattered across his chest. Ben just watches as the life drains from his enemy's eyes, falling to the floor and breaking into bloody chunks. Gwen pushes it all off her, shaking, and forces Ben to meet her eyes. She looks startled, and she's using her Anodite powers to look into his emotions - probably trying to find a place where she's needed, so she has an excuse not to fall apart. _Not fair._

It's been a couple years, but it isn't much different than the first. He's fighting against a mental breakdown, because he can't afford it now, but he scream and freak out when he has a moment to himself. Or maybe in the company of Julie. Julie would understand, be patient and soothing like always.

He's partly glad it hurts, glad he doesn't get that detached feeling Kevin told him repeated murder could give you, because... because what? He'd be disappointed in himself? Does he fear distrust from his friends? Or... That he might start _liking it?_ He isn't sure, but wants to hurt if it prevents it, whatever _it_ is.

He abandons the now dead alien body and the sympathetic eyes of his cousin to fights alongside Kevin, taking great pains to avoid directly taking anymore lives of those literally throwing themselves at him and Gwen's mana shield. Kevin doesn't give much thought to the how devastating his punches go, but restrains himself for the sake of his teammates, which Ben appreciates immensely. Not that he'll tell him. As if Kevin didn't already have enough tease him about.

Ben's body is for the most part on Auto-pilot, punching, kicking, and slashing at anything he did not recognize as an ally. His brain was only functioning so as to prevent another death by his hands — or claws. It depends on what form he's in.

With their leader lying in bits and pieces, it didn't take long for the opposition to fall apart and get beaten to a bloody pulp. But they were alive, so Ben didn't really care whatever happens to them now. Their mission was to decimate the would-be rebellion that could start a civil war between three planets just by attacking the peaceful, defenseless, royal monarch of the central planet for petty reasons. And as the team surveyed the carnage of causalities, Ben surmised the mission was completed.

"So, we done here?" Kevin drawled, eyeing the deceased leader with a frown. The gears are turning, and he's putting two and two together.

"Yeah..." Ben answered quietly, shifting back to human form, grimacing as the blood remained. He tries to ignore the clumps of what remains of his second kill lying in the corner. Gwen, wiping blood off her skirt, was making a point of avoiding staring at it too. Ben didn't need Anodite powers to know she felt shaken, but was putting on a mask to hide it all.

The give-away was that she was being _too_ professional and indifferent about it all; Gwen wasn't emotionless, as their classmates often thought. She acted like it because she was supposed to be the strong glue that kept Ben from breaking down and Kevin from falling back into pieces. What were they supposed to do if the glue just melted into a puddle? Kevin would fall and scatter and revert to insanity, and Ben would shatter, his near-invisible cracks splintering him beyond repair. They depended on her as much as she depended on them.

"C'mon," His cousin grabs his arm tightly and leads him out, Kevin trailing not to far behind. "Let's go."

* * *

><p><em>Gwen<em>

* * *

><p>It had been close.<p>

Much too close.

With her attention diverted so as to back up Kevin with a strong mana shield, she hadn't noticed the leader targeting her from behind. A coward's technique, trying to take her out from the shadows in the midst of an all-out fight. But in battle, you can't afford to pull your punches, nor let go of an opportune moment because it's a dirty trick. A lesson she had been reluctant to learn.

And then there was a flash of green and a blur of blue, and a scream from behind her.

And Gwen found herself underneath the remains of the rebellion leader, sliced cleanly into many pieces. XLR8's strength was in its speed, and the leader had worn little armor, making blows from sharp, claw-like hands that go faster than the speed of sound absolutely devastating.

She had freed herself and returned to standing, as Ben stood, just seemingly observing the slice 'n diced body with his visor shielding his face. Looking into his emotions, she could tell despite his apparent aloofness, Ben was a shaking foundation ready to collapse, if support didn't come his way soon. But unlike Gwen, who couldn't see Ben's face, Ben could see _hers_, and dashed off after his cousin's face turned into something sympathetic.

After the easily won battle, she had dragged him off the rebel base and returned to Ship, who dutifully stayed hidden until they needed him.

Once on board, Ben falls into a seat and lets his head hit the wall loudly, and briefly looks disappointed. Gwen wonders why.

"Hey." Kevin waves a hand in front of an un-blinking Ben. "Everything still intact? Any wounds we should know about? I don't want you puking blood in my car when we get back."

"I'm fine." Ben answers flatly.

"Physically, you mean." Gwen states. She could feel his thoughts swirling like a whirlpool as he's trying to separate logic from emotion, and failing miserably.

"...Yeah."

Kevin shrugs and takes the controls, pretending to get ticked off when Ship initially ignores him. Probably to cover up the fact he's a little worried about her cousin. Gwen sits by him, shifting restlessly. She's Ben's cousin, not his mother, but can't help often acting like it. Motherly instincts are telling her to comfort him, though logic of being both his friend and cousin are saying let him have some alone time. Ben doesn't take too well to copious amounts of pity.

Kevin manages to get them back to Earth with a landing they can still walk away from, so Gwen's satisfied. Ben seems a bit more responding, so that's a plus too. He's not too keen on seeing Julie yet, with his emotions tangled up into thousands of knots, he's bound to say or do something wrong, so Gwen volunteers to return Ship in his stead. His thanks is genuine, but tired.

Kevin nearly kicks him out of his car when they arrive, saying that he found 'moody-Ben' more annoying than his regular self, and to, "Hurry up and recover, so I don't have to deal with you acting all emo."

Ben just gives a forced smile, a fleeting wave, and turns to escape to the confines of his home, when Gwen grabs his arm through the window.

"Thank you, Ben." She tells him. He needs to know, needs to be assured he did something bad for something good. At least, she thought so.

Their identical emerald eyes lock, and Ben tries — really tries — to put a real, albeit faint smile of his face.

"Your welcome."

* * *

><p><em>Ben<em>

* * *

><p>Free time is a luxury that people who don't play part-time alien-vigilantes while maintaining full-time normal lives have. Ben often does not qualify for such a privilege.<p>

But, once in a great while, when Gwen isn't busy studying, Kevin isn't working on his car, Ben isn't on a date with Julie, and there miraculously isn't something alien-related going on, they spend time together. Embracing their alien heritages and being as normal as the humans they descend from with mixtures of Earthly and other world games, shows, and news. They talk about the huge typhoon on Galvan Prime, and about Jennifer Nocturne's latest movie. How it's rumored the planet Appoplexia intends to start a war with the world Terradino, and the basketball game next Saturday. How there's to be a royal wedding on Petropia, and _how Kevin still won't ask Gwen to go out with him._

A mixture of two things that were equally important to them. It's a time where they can show shadows of their insecurities to each other, and know it would be understood, not dismissed or picked on. Kevin would mention a bit of his past, comparing it to present day, noting on how the latter was '_way better_'. Gwen would let her guard down, and stop trying to be impossibly perfect, let _herself_ be bossed around a few times. Ben would drop his arrogant attitude, let his real thoughts and fear out.

It was... peaceful. Precious. Secret moments they never discussed at other times. Only here and now, stored away in memories and strengthening their bonds.

"You can tell us..." Gwen says, the day after he killed for her. "We understand."

Taking a life was something Ben Tennyson never intended to do.

"When it comes down to it, there are some choices life throws at us that we don't like." Kevin tells him. "No matter what you do, it's a lose-lose situation, and you're left taking the side of the lesser evil."

Taking a life more than _once_ was something Ben Tennyson never wanted to do.

"Judging one side against another, you gotta make a choice on what you can't stand to lose the most."

His cousin, or his innocence, chain-linked to ignorance of pain he never knew. Ben wasn't stupid. Perhaps naive, but never a complete idiot.

"Ignorance and innocence walk hand in hand. You can't lose one without the other, and once they're gone, they're gone for good. But you can prevent it from happening to others."

"You can keep what really matters, even if you never realized it before."

"I know." Ben murmurs.

He'd choose Gwen and Kevin over everything else.

Be it lying, fighting, _killing_, or losing an important chunk of innocence and gaining an unwanted piece of knowledge...

He'd do anything and everything to keep them safe.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Fin.<em>**

* * *

><p><em>Tributes, Notes, &amp; Side-flings;<em>

_...They talk about the huge typhoon on Galvan Prime..._

-Galvan Prime is the home world of Azumth, Albedo, and generally all other Galvan's.

_...How it's rumored the planet Appoplexia intends to start a war with the world Terradino..._

-Appoplexia is home to Appoplexians (such as Rath), obviously. Terradino is the home world of many creatures, but notably the Vaxasaurians (Humungousaur).

_...How there's to be a royal wedding on Petropia..._

_-_Petropia is the home of Petrosapiens, aka Diamondhead. I have no idea if they have royalty or not, probably don't, but they were the most peaceful planet I could find for the time being.

**Ending A/N:** I intended for this to be mainly angst, but somehow Kevin randomly came in an added some sort of humor I didn't plan on. To clear things up, I also added section for Gwen, but partly because I felt it odd to talk from Ben and Kevin centric points, and exclude Gwen when her part was as important as Kevin's. Ending was a bit rough for me, but I think I managed a decent one. I have agonized over this for a week or so, and scoured it for tons of typos. Any mistakes left shouldn't be too big.  
>Thanks for reading.<p> 


End file.
